my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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