Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
