where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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