I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
