I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
