I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize