My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
