meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
