I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
