I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
