I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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