UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
