His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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