covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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