I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
