made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
