you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she told me i tasted like america
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
