I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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