Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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