I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
