I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize