mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
