I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am spending my child support on dildos
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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