Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize