im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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