i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this will be a night to untag.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
