I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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