I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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