Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
