OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
