can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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