So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
