she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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