Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize