my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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