I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
