just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
