Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
