Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
