Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize