Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
