No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
