I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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