I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
