i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
