Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
