if i can run in heels then i can drive
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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