I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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