dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
