Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize