he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize