Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
