i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize