Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
