On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
