So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
