My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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