The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
