I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
