Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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