god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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