Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
