It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
