why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
