did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
