Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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