I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
