i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
