Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
