Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
