im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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