only if we run a train.
done.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
