im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Holy sore nipples Batman
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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